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Joke of the Day

"All jeans are skinny jeans... ...if you're fat enough."

"Waiter what's this fly doing in my soup? Um looks to me to be backstroke sir"

"I'm a lot like Jesus because I like wine and I tell people what to do."

"Why does LeVar Burton not like to travel by airplane? He usually flies twice as high."

"I'm NOT flirting!! its called BEING NICE!"

"Wife: I told you to slow down. Cop: License & registration, please. Wife (opens glovebox): Divorce papers? Me: Look underneath them."

"Why can't you fool an aborted baby? NSFW Because it wasn't born yesterday."

"TIFU by mis-targeting my torpedo Whoops, wrong sub."

"They call me nubby He announced as he entered the bar. One of the regulars ask why? Will let me warn you about telling her to eat it like a hotdog."

"I saw a sheep give birth today All I could say was ""ewe"" (I know this joke is probably overused but I'm currently on a Bill Nye the Science Guy nostalgia trip right now so fuck the haters.)"