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Joke of the Day

"So I broke up with my girlfriend because our signs didn't match... ...I'm a Sagittarius, and she's a bitch."

"what do pirates have with their fish tart arrrrrrrr sauce"

"I'm hungry A boy walks up to his dad. ""Dad I'm hungry."" ""Hi hungry!"" ""Dad I'm serious."" ""I'm sorry serious, I thought you were hungry."" The boy then dies of hunger."

"Women, If you could just go ahead, get a plane & spell it out in the sky for us, that'd be greeeat. Sincerely, Men"

"please spread kale over my dumb organic gluten free casket"

"Jesus may have turned water into wine But I turned a whole student loan check into vodka"

"Having the option to erase and re-record after having to leave a voicemail is one of my favorite things about life."

"What's half a joke look like?"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I've never paid to have a garbanzo bean on me"

"The sexiest face I make is when I'm trying to squelch a yawn. Just kidding, I look like a stroke victim."