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Joke of the Day

"The sexiest face I make is when I'm trying to squelch a yawn. Just kidding, I look like a stroke victim."

"My girlfriend asked me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt... So I fucked her twice and slapped her"

"What kind of pants does Mario wear to work? Denim denim denim ;p"

"A guy walks into a restaurant with his friend. The server ask what he wants to drink and he say H2O. His friend says he will have H2O to. His friend is no longer alive."

"Who was the first person Aaron Hernandez called after the shooting? Wes Welker. Everyone knows you need a white Bronco to get away with murder."

"All of Hitlers generals were having a cookout, why wasn't Hitler invited? He always burnt the franks."

"A blonde said to her friend while driving ""I got a compliment on my driving today,"" said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said ""parking fine""."

"I'm 34 and live with my mom. Just kidding... ... I'm 33."

"Don't ask me if I have a safety pin if you're going to look at me all weird when I pull one out of my pocket and hand it to you."

"What questioned started the Holocaust? What would you do for a Klondike Bar?"