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Joke of the Day

"If you wear a ship's captain's hat around, people will just do what you say. I run a Starbucks, a Target, a submarine, and two street gangs."

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"What did the fisherman do on his date? Netfish and krill"
"What is Madonna's least favourite band? Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly"
"What's the most confusing holiday in the hood? Kwanzaa. I don't think anyone has a clue what that holiday is."
"I bought my son a refrigerator for his birthday I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it."
"A skeleton walks into a bar... He says to the bartender, ""I'm gonna need a beer and a mop."""
"Why did the interrupting cow cross the road? MOOOOOO!!!!"
"Bros were dying to know the song I had playing on the gym speakers, said it activated beast mode for them. It was ""Tracy chapman - fast car"""
"""Name him Mufasa, it means ""king"" in Manazoto. And uh, we'll call HIM Scar. Because his face."" Simba's grandparents were the real villains."
"LPT: Never tell a sound technician how they are doing. They hate feedback."