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Joke of the Day

"I have a difficult time living in buildings near many neighbors I think I have an apartment complex."

"Graham has withdrawn from the Republican nomination race. Some people worry that he'll send his voters to Trump. All three of them."

"I will not believe a thing posted on this entire website tomorrow (today for some of you in the world) Fucking April 1ST."

"My wife always takes up two parking spaces. She ought to go on a diet."

"What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold unto your nuts-This is no ordinary Blow Job!"

"Saw some cows just standing around in a field doing absolutely nothing. Get a job, hippies."

"""When someone is mad at you, that's THEIR problem"" and other advice from my upcoming book, Where Did All My Friends Go'"

"What's the hardest part of rollerblading? Telling your parents you're gay."

"Close your eyes. Picture a world without hunger. Open your eyes. I ate your sandwich."

"As a grown adult man, good luck trying to scare me with anything besides a gun, or common household insects."