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Joke of the Day

"We may be approaching this wrong, what if Paris Hilton is actually just a hoarder of dicks?"

"Why are crabs always tired? Because they sleep in snatches."

"What's an amphibian's favorite musician? John Frogerty"

"I wrote 2793 tweets in advance. So if I die tomorrow, you won't know until 2018."

"Girlfriend: ""Does this dress make me look fat?"" Me: ""Stop blaming the dresses."

"Somebody told me to stop singing ""Wonderwall."" I said maybe"

"I just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap."

"Whats the closest a Mexican will ever be to happiness? The border."

"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef! Bonus joke: What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean Beef!! Double Bonus: What do you call a cow with one leg stuck in the ground? Steak!!!"

"Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mom."