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Joke of the Day

"They found Ellen Degeneres dead today. She was face down in Ricki Lake. Did I do it right this time?"

"BREAKING NEWS: Bread is extremely toxic to humans. ""Just throw it all in a lake somewhere,"" says one long-billed scientist"

"Air & Sex Q: Why is air a lot like sex? A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any."

"What did one succulent say to the other? ""Aloe there"""

"I'm wearing the boxers with the little hearts all over them tonight.... It's probably not a good night to go to jail...."

"One of my favorites from Fallout 3: I once visited a crematorium that gave discounts to burn victims."

"I tried to do an intense workout that involved 500 sit ups per day But my body couldn't take the ab use"

"There's a party in my pants and everyone's invited but nobody ever shows up. I wish my pants would stop throwing parties. It's humiliating."

"That fart voided the warranty on our couch."

"I did laundry for 7 miles according to my Fitbit that I accidentally washed and dried."