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Joke of the Day

"There's a party in my pants and everyone's invited but nobody ever shows up. I wish my pants would stop throwing parties. It's humiliating."

"I was at the pub the other day when the landlord walked up to me, handed me a phone and said, ""It's for you, sir"" ""Thanks mate,"" I said, took it and walked away. What a generous lad."

"A Bartender Says, ""We Don't Serve Time Travelers"" A time traveler enters the bar."

"[walks into gym with my sunglasses on] WHATS UP LADIES *takes off sunglasses* damn it 3rd treadmill I've hit on this week"

"I wonder who plays the ""famous rich guy who can relate to poor people"" on the AT&T; commercials at Luke Wilson's house?"

"Therapist: So what happened in your last relationship? I lost him to addiction. Therapist: I'm so sorry. Drugs? Yes please."

"Why did the vegetables hop into the boiling pot of water? They were part of a stewicide pact."

"If I had a dollar for every dollar I had... I would be a counterfeiter."

"What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey team? A hockey team takes a shower after three periods."

"What did the hen say when she saw the scrambled eggs? My poor, mixed-up kids..."