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Joke of the Day

"Realized woman behind me at self-checkout line was from DMV. Made her wait 4 hours for her turn. Revenge is sweet."

"When you get a brain freeze from a margarita you know you have problems"

"Warring nations should hurl their politicians at each other."

"I dont use one of those unfollower sites like a psycho. I use my handwritten list of followers and crosscheck it daily like a NORMAL PERSON!"

"What is the worst thing about being an egg? You only get laid once, and that's by your mother!"

"I went to Penn State as a tight end. I left as a wide receiver."

"There are 10 kinds of people in this world. The ones who know binary and the ones who don't."

"Life is like a penis, loose and hanging freely. Until a woman comes along and makes it hard."

"You say, ""I think we should see other people"" like I haven't been doing so ever since we started dating."

"We should all give Earth a one star rating on TripAdvisor so hostile aliens won't want to come here."