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Joke of the Day

"A Swiss Army Knife is a lot like a pod of dolphins... Multi-porpoise!"

"I tried to share a kebab with a homeless guy I saw sitting on a bench last night. He told me to f*ck off and buy my own."

"Why did the girl bring 2 basketballs to the basketball game? Because there was 2 basketball courts. DUH!"

"I'm at a second grade music recital and this is by far the most effective form of birth control I've ever tried."

"What do you call an Asian wearing contacts? Customization. GET IT?? CUSTOM EYES ASIAN!!!"

"How do you fix a woman's watch? Why should you? There's a clock on the oven."

"Me: Ok, who got Oreo filling on the couch? Husband: 4: 7: Me: Well... 7: It really could have been any of us. 4: (licks couch)"

"Heard about the new low fat comminion wafer? it's called ""I can't believe it's not Jesus"""

"What do you call a an Egyptian crocodile who swears they live in Florida? In da-Nile"

"To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run"