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Joke of the Day

"My ex just asked if I want to go on holiday with him and my ex mother-in-law and now I don't need Twitter because I will never stop laughing"

"I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy. Turns out she really said ""4G."" My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk."

"What does Beyonce eat food out of? An IrreplacaBOWL."

"Did you know Princess Di had dandruff? Yeah, they found her head and shoulders in the dashboard."

"Is Google a Boy or a Girl? A girl, because it tries to complete your sentences for you, and it *never ever* forgets what you said."

"""I shot the sheriff but I did not shoot the deputy"" is my favorite lyric about murdering law enforcement officials in moderation."

"This ad says: ""3 out of 5 smokers die"" Apparently the other 2 become immortal."

"Q: Did you hear about the incompetent lumberjack? A: He just couldn't cut it, so he was forest fired."

"What's the difference between a pizza and a woman The crust on the pizza tastes good."

"Did you blow bubbles as a little kid? I saw him last week, he told me to tell you hi."