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Joke of the Day
"If Albert Einstein sent you a text with a typo, you'd call him a fucking idiot too."
Next Joke
"*Mary Poppins voice* Ok, children! Time to go! [15 min later] *Batman voice* I said let's go."
"Two goldfish were in their tank... Two goldfish were in their tank. One turned to the other and said, ""You man the guns; I'll drive."""
"How do drown a hipster? In the main steam"
"When I tell jokes my friends call me a faggot but I suppose it's just because they think i'm a bundle of shticks."
"If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don't need it to add up all the ladies you get...."
"""Sorry, I forgot to pay attention. But yeah, I have no idea where we are now. There definitely shouldn't be cows."" ~me giving directions"
"If you read the instructions carefully, the first step to making any microwavable lunch is to throw away the box and dig it out of the trash"
"I like my maths... ...how I like my sex: hard and fast. (difficult, but clear-cut)"
"I'm scared some kid is going to break into my house and fleek me to death with a bae"