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Joke of the Day

"Two goldfish were in their tank... Two goldfish were in their tank. One turned to the other and said, ""You man the guns; I'll drive."""

"All girls love surprises. I didn't know putting a snake in her handbag was wrong. We can't understand women."

"What do you call a lonely terrorist? ISIL-ated"

"Girlfriend asking her Boyfriend about her looks Girlfriend: ""Am I pretty or ugly?"" Boyfriend: ""You're both."" Girlfriend: ""What do you mean?"" Boyfriend: ""You're pretty ugly."""

"*steps on Lego* *stumbles backwards and trips over more Legos* *throws all Legos away* *Grandparents buy more Legos for Christmas*"

"Where does a librarian sleep? Between the covers. I will now show myself to the door."

"Walking past a new employee's desk & yelling, ""Do you think it's a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?"" will never get old."

"Why are hot dogs the best dogs? Because they feed the hand that bites them."

"Coffee. Not my cup of tea."

"Why do marble statues look so mean? They have hearts of stone."