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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes when I look into the sky I get overwhelmed with emotion and eat the nearest entire tree and everything living in that tree"

"[Bunch of 6 year olds knock on my door] ""TRICK OR TREAT!"" You kids are in for a real treat... *slips each of them a copy of my demo tape*"

"I just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent. Now he'll never have any friends."

"Fun Fact: Over 23.6% of relationships fail because one of the partners doesn't like The Princess Bride."

"Alcoholics don't run in my family... They stumble around breaking things"

"Q: Did you hear about the blonde who hijacked a submarine? A: She demanded $200000 and a parachute."

"While we frantically work to solve the budget crisis, a much bigger threat looms. Cats are running out of funny photo poses."

"LE NEW JOKE??? AWWW YEHP"

"Don't mind me. Just over here shaking my phone like a Magic 8-Ball, trying to get the screen to rotate back."

"Don't read ""part a"" backwards. It's a trap."