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Joke of the Day
"A new study has proven... A new study has proven that people who have more birthdays live longer."
Next Joke
"I'm not sure what my three-year-old needs more, naps or an exorcism."
"You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard."
"What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.."
"I have to put reminders in my phone for everything or I'll forget it. Like 'pick up milk,' 'go to bank,' 'you don't hate minorities.'"
"Dr: it looks like you've contracted sumatta Me: what is that? Dr: what is what? Me: sumatta Dr [grits teeth]: say it together"
"What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef."
"What did Adam say to Eve? Stand back! I don't know how big this thing gets."
"Me: Make sure Jnr. gets straight A's...[slides envelope] Teacher: Is this what I think it is? Me:[nods] You can use it to send letters & stuff"
"The Ouija board spells out WHAT'S UP GAYLORD and I'm like is there really no one else in the spirit realm besides my grandma?"