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Joke of the Day

"""Bitches be crazy."" -dog therapist"

"Five years ago, I couldn't see the forest through the trees, but now I can. Thank goodness for loggers and strip malls!"

"Jared ended his career the same way he started it... Trying to get into smaller pants."

"[first date] me [im a goat]: u gonna eat that dress? date [also a goat]: yes"

"How do you pick up women in Waco, Texas? With a DustBuster."

"50 SHADES OF CHARLES HUNNAM Its been reported that actor Charles Hunnam has dropped out of the movie,""50 Shades of Grey"" because of cold feet. You can't blame him, cold feet can lead to shrinkage"

"I once dated a girl who said she was turned on by ""Black eyes"" So I punched her in the face. Turns out I heard her wrong."

"A guy just told me ""All asians are ninjas"" I wanted to tell him how racist that was, but he was black and i didn't want to get beat down"

"I'm really into Chomsky, Noam sayin'?"

"Why is there no scope for dealers/middle men in the field of extractive metallurgy? Because he/she who smelt it, dealt it."