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Joke of the Day

"I once dated a girl who said she was turned on by ""Black eyes"" So I punched her in the face. Turns out I heard her wrong."

"A guy came up to me in the gym. ""How the hell did you get a body like that?"" he asked. ""Thanks,"" I said, ""That's very flattering."" He said, ""Not really mate."""

"Japan isn't a democracy. They don't have big erections."

"What brand of underwear do zombies wear? Haaaaaannnnnneeeeeessssss"

"Him: I'm making you Produce Manager. Me: A PLUM assignment! H: ... M: You're a PEACH! H: ... M: Do I start today or TOMATO? H: You're fired."

"A man walked into a bar... ...and stayed there my whole childhood. ^:("

"Warner Bros. before Warner Hos."

"Why did u shoot ur wife ? Judge:why did u shoot ur wife instead of shootingher lover? Methew:Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week."

"How disappointing is it that Han Solo didn't name his son 'Guitar'"

"I'm not allowed to watch Hoarders anymore because people say ""let it go"" too often and then I can't stop singing it, an autobiography."