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Joke of the Day

"Just saw a guy with a chain wallet. A bunch of people were trying to steal his wallet, but they couldn't"

"WIFE: [crying] guess what my sister just told me ME: she's a liar WIFE: are you saying her dog didn't die? ME: [wiping sweat] I love you"

"Either way, I don't think we should let Shrodinger near any more cats."

"Two guys walk down the street And one falls through the window"

"If at first you don't succeed... try try being redundant."

"*buys extra movie ticket seat so I'll have a place to put my microwave bc I'll be damned if I'm paying that much for popcorn"

"I finally found a girlfriend! She was lost untill she found me. I'm glad I could give her a ride to her boyfriend's house."

"Me: ""Siri, why am I single?"" Siri: *opens front face camera*"

"What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z? They're not infallible"

"Why do Newfies want Quebec to separate? So it's a shorter drive to Toronto!"