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Joke of the Day

"*buys extra movie ticket seat so I'll have a place to put my microwave bc I'll be damned if I'm paying that much for popcorn"

"Monsters won't stop chasing me. I don't wanna play today dammit!"

"What do you call a woman who has a lot of sex? Her name."

"Unscramble these words Unscramble these words ! 1) PENSI 2) HITLRE 3) NIGGRE 4) BUTTSXE DO YOU GET SPINE,LITHER,GINGER AND SUBTEXT ?"

"Date *pulls out clipboard* ""Name?"" ""Uh.. Beth."" ""Ok.. Check. Kids?"" ""No"" ""Check. Club Penguin username?"" ""What's that?"" *drops clipboard*"

"I started an emo salsa band We're called Hispanic at the Disco"

"How did the bear kill the man? With his bear hands."

"Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week? A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday."

"Do you want to play a Russian drinking game? It's simple. If you see a Malaysian Airlines jet in the sky, take a shot."

"Him: I'm heading to the gym Me: I'm heading to the fridge"