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Joke of the Day

"Williams Sonoma excels at selling me cookware I don't need to prepare meals with ingredients I can't afford for dinner guests I don't have."

"I said ""Candyman"" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there."

"Why does Peter Parker have a shower in his apartment? He can't get out of a bath."

"My brother got sent to prison for something he didn't do. He didn't wear gloves."

"What do cars do at the disco? Brake dance."

"Why do people say love is like chemistry? Because you can put it in someones drink"

"What's the difference between my ex and the titanic? The titanic only went down on 1,000 people"

"If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never ageing is wearing the same clothes every day."

"If a man goes cheats for four times, according to the rules of geometry, he will come home."

"Accidentally used 13's shower gel, so I just copped a huge attitude, yelled at everyone and slammed some doors."