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Joke of the Day

"So, I hear they're naming a new paint after you! It's called Whore Red. Not very Bright, but it's cheap and spreads really easily!!!"

"That uneasy moment when your one night stand thinks otherwise and is anticipating you to change your relationship status."

"What do you call a cute girl in an Amish church? A visitor."

"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's LUNAR ASSAULT and it's not funny."

"Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I'm starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS."

"My girlfriend was dropping all these hints about tying the knot or taking the plunge... so I tied a rock around her ankle and pushed her off the pier. She hasn't called since..."

"Big explosion in a paint factory tonight, 10 people missing, presumed red."

"I was going to dress up as a turn signal for Halloween But no one around here knows what the hell that is!"

"Walked out the pub the other night and seen a bloke at the end of the road with a broken down car. I said ""what's the matter mate?"" he said ""piston broke"" I said ""so am I!"" and stumbled home."

"Where do you find monster snails? On the end of monsters fingers."