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Joke of the Day

"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's LUNAR ASSAULT and it's not funny."

"I've never once used the ""C word"" in a tweet but I will now!!!! Cookie. There, happy now? You c**ts."

"Stepping on a #LEGO sucks. But showing a bunch of kids I know how to use the F word as a noun/verb/adjective in one sentence is good, right?"

"You're so poor... Ethiopians donate to you."

"A Billionaire, a Misogynist, and a Racist walks into a bar The bartender asks how he is doing in the election. Edit: shitty spelling and punchline"

"Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered six offender."

"They sure don't make time machines like they're going to!"

"My girlfriend has this really weird fetish She likes to pretend she's 13 years old when we have sex. I don't know why, she'll be 13 in a couple of years anyway."

"Did you hear about the Patriots? I personally think it's all overblown."

"Pull all of your money out of Pepto-Bismol stocks immediately. There's some real liquidity problems over there."