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Joke of the Day

"What does Amtrak have in common with Tom Cruise? They both like to go off the rails Edit: On a side note, I hope all of the passengers, and crew are ok, and recover quickly"

"Hickory Dickory Dock... Three mice ran up the clock The clock struck one But the rest escaped with minor injuries. (Something my grandfather told me when I was five)"

"I'm now on year 3 of the '7 day ab challenge'"

"""Please don't make a scene."" -Horrible movie director"

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? You expect me to get hard so fast, I just got laid!"

"Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? ... There was nothing left but de Brie."

"I can't prove it, but from the sound of it, I'm pretty sure there's an injured dolphin stuck in my dishwasher."

"Why didn't I play in the Woman's world chess championships? Because I ran"

"A baby seal walks in to a club. . . ."

"Roommate and I got our first electric bill and long story short we're now Amish"