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Joke of the Day

"Europe is in turmoil, but at least I've got some steady income despite the migrant crisis I own a florist around the corner from the French embassy"

"What did Saturn tell it's moons when they started getting too far away? ""Titan up!"""

"What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a punctured lung"

"For some of us the internet should have probably been the best man at our wedding if we were being honest."

"I only eat beef raised on marijuana... I like it when the steaks are high."

"Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat? Because if they fell forwards, they'd still be on the boat!"

"Those of you who believe everything you read on the internet probably also believe there's hot local singles in your area."

"Last night, I was sitting next to a hot girl at the bar... ...and all I could think was, ""Don't get an erection, don't get an erection, don't get an erection..."" But she did."

"My lucky number is 4,000,000,000. Doesn't come in handy when you're gambling. Come on 4 billion... Fuck, 7. We need some more dice. 4 billion divided by 6, at least. -Mitch Hedberg"

"Oh, Ed! They should come up with something like Uber, but with horseback riding... Maybe call it Wilbur?"