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Joke of the Day

"When I heard about Ferguson.. ...I assumed it related to Sir Alex Ferguson"

"It's like my daddy always says...if you can't beat 'em, arrange to have 'em beaten."

"Why would Bill Cosby make a great lawyer? The proof is in the pudding"

"What is the chemical composition of a fire hydrant? K9P."

"I thought I stepped on a Lego, but thankfully, it was just a rusty old nail."

"I thought I kept all my David Fincher DVDs safely, but... I lost The Game."

"[quickly jumps into the back of a cab] ME: How far will this get me? *i hand the driver 14 peanut m&ms with the chocolate sucked off*"

"Why did Hitler buy the car when it went on sale? Because he liked the holocost."

"A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head... the bartender said, ""Can I help you?"" and the duck said, ""Yeah, get this guy off my ass."""

"What does sex have in common with a savings account... What does sex have in common with a savings account? Answer is: ""You lose interest once you make a withdrawal""."