119540

Joke of the Day

"What do you call someone who hates browsing the web with Google? A Chromophobe."

"*lays in bed for 12 hours I guess I'll get up now *walks over to couch & lays down"

"[At bar] BARTENDER: I dont think she wants to talk man ME: [dabbing on pickle juice as cologne] I think I know what the ladies want pal"

"Kids are the worst CIA agents. I KNOW WATERBOARDING SUCKS KATIE BUT YOU CAN'T TELL THE TALIBAN EVERYTHING FOR A CAPRI SUN YOU IDIOT"

"Don't call me ""Dad"", please call me by my professional title, ""Half-Eaten Food Connoisseur Broken Toy Engineer Butt-Wipeologist""."

"My lesbian neighbour just gave me a Rolex I think she misunderstood when I told her I wanna watch..."

"Q: Why doesn't Saddam go out drinking? A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home?"

"5yo: Why is he crying? Me: That's a teardrop tattoo. 5: Oh. Did he shank someone in prison? M: What? 5: Remind him I want extra guacamole."

"My coat is so covered with dog fur that someone's probably going to throw red paint on me at some point today."

"I added Paul Walker on Xbox Live He spends a lot of time on the dashboard."