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Joke of the Day

"I added Paul Walker on Xbox Live He spends a lot of time on the dashboard."

"Being a Zombie doesn't sound that bad. You don't have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now."

"I ditched my ex gf. For lying. Lying under my best friend."

"I fought the law, and it turns out they have better resources than I do."

"My roommate just called my clothes gay.. Have a little respect man! They just came out of the closet"

"*buying teacher's gifts* 7: Mrs. J said she hates candles. Me: {recalling mountain of homework every night} Pumpkin Spice Candle it is then!"

"[first date] Him: Why are you being so distant? Me: Why didn't you order a side of guacamole?"

"There were nine sides, but after one left they got closer. We will always remember their prime, even if it is now Octogone"

"I'm missing a 5 sided shape It's penta-gone."

"What famous band sleeps the least? Slipknot"