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Joke of the Day

"I'd like to apologize to the lady on the bus. I assumed you wanted your hair held back while you ate your banana."

"Telemarketer: Are you a homeowner? Me: How big are your lips? Telemarketer: .... Me: Your lips. Are they huge? *click*"

"To all you single ladies out there, as winter slowly approaches I am offering you a good high quality man blanket for this winter. Claim me now while supplies last. . ."

"Snow in the forecast... ...and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, ""Fat chance, with a face like that!"""

"Men are like prisms All that matters is length, width, and height."

"(whispering): Siri, whose bed am I in?"

"War does not determine who is right only who is left."

"Why are there no black snowmen? WHITE POWDER!!!"

"Got arrested for playing the guitar. Because I was fingering A minor."

"So Nickelback walks into a bar... [xpost from r/funny] There's no punchline because ruining music isn't funny."