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Joke of the Day

"I'd like to apologize to the lady on the bus. I assumed you wanted your hair held back while you ate your banana."

"lady: omg your puppy is so cute whats his name me: laser guardian"

"Chuck Norris was once bitten by a cobra... After three days of excruciating pain, the cobra died."

"Half way through the movie, I brought some popcorn downstairs for the kids & realized I rented the wrong Black Stallion DVD."

"Halloween: The one day I can flap my arms like a bat and nobody asks any questions."

"What do you call a black person flying a plane? A pilot, you racist!"

"Why did the hoagie go to the shrink? He was having problems with his sub-conscious."

"If Taylor Lautner bites you, how much time do you have until you turn gay?"

"Police are like a box of chocolates They'll kill your dog."

"Sorry I'm late, there was a dad yelling at his teenage son for buying $90 jeans and I had to hear every word of it."