119224

Joke of the Day

"If someone's mean to you, just lean in and whisper ""I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world"" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head."

"Just came to the realization that my ten year high school reunion will be in 10 months. I have about nine days to get married and pregnant."

"Why are Jews so good at making action movies? Shlo-mo."

"NEW! ""How to Act"" DVD by Kristen Stewart! In love: :| Uncertain: :| Just married: :| Pregnant: :| Dead: :| Only $139.95! Act now!"

"What kind of doctor is always on call? An oncologist."

"To err is human; but to really mess things up requires a computer."

"Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes? In a pellet court!"

"It's sad that we live in a world where we'll add a word to the dictionary if stupid people use it enough."

"Finally, I win 1st place in something! A guy recently rated me as a solid 1 in the attractiveness scale. I've never won anything in my life!"

"*hostage situation* Our FIRST demand: we want more bullets because we ran out... NO DON'T COME IN HERE"