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Joke of the Day

"Just came to the realization that my ten year high school reunion will be in 10 months. I have about nine days to get married and pregnant."

"Idea: An animated sitcom where the characters age and change clothes."

"What do you call repetitive diarrhea? Re-runs. (ba-dum, tss) It's just the same shit over and over again."

"I just read that a veteran policeman has been suspended from his job... after being caught masturbating and smoking weed in his office. No name was given but he was a high wanking officer."

"Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand? She moans with the other."

"I'm so old... ...my organs are harpsichords."

"I prefer shampoo to the real thing."

"Did you hear they recently opened a bar on the moon? The cocktails are great, but it has no atmosphere."

"What's Darth Vader's sister's name? Elle Vader. *Badum tsssss*"

"1) Put on chicken costume 2) Go to store to pick up eggs 3) Run up to store manager and emotionally scream ""WHO DID THIS TO MY CHILDREN????"""