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Joke of the Day

"Maybe 6% of pens work. Terrible job, pen manufacturers."

"Grand Theft Auto 6 just announced. Already criticized for displaying ""excessive and gratuitous violence towards pedestrians"". Apparently your character is just a normal on-duty cop."

"Patient: Doc what should I do with all the gold and silver in my mouth? Dentist: Don't smile in a bad neighborhood."

"I want to go to Gordon Ramsey's restaurant, throw a plate of risotto against the wall, and say ""Whoever made this is a fucking donkey!"""

"Why couldn't the candle get any sleep? Because there's no rest for the wicked."

"I was looking for hours for my thread on Reddit.. Turns out I was browsing with the popular filter :("

"I'm sorry I broke your finger, but seriously, what did you expect would happen when you tried to eat the last two fries off my plate?"

"Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods."

"Internet is filled with girls crying over Zayn leaving 1D. Never knew there were so many girls in the world until yesterday."

"A termite walks into a bar... and says ""Excuse me, is the bar tender here?"""