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Joke of the Day

"[firing squad] Any last requests? ""Here's my mixtape, if u like it, will u let me live?"" Yes. *listens* Oh man that's FIRE *gunshots*"

"My dear Grandpa died peacefully in his sleep. But his 3 passengers all went screaming."

"A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, ""Sorry we don't serve food here."""

"Whats the opposite of nickle back? Bill front (Money jokes i got em)"

"How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know, that's a good question."

"Can't decide if I should start this laundry or fake my own death."

"What did the old fly say to the young fly? I've seen a lot of shit!"

"What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates: 1. Nice shirt. 2. Wow. A second nice shirt. 3. Okay, first shirt again. 4. He has two shirts."

"Do you know what a will is? C'mon! It's a dead giveaway."

"What do you call a black guy surrounded by a bunch of white guys? The Allman Brothers."