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Joke of the Day

"What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates: 1. Nice shirt. 2. Wow. A second nice shirt. 3. Okay, first shirt again. 4. He has two shirts."

"I don't mean to sound racist, but why do all Chinese food takeout boxes look the same?"

"Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up."

"Bad luck Steve Irwin. Puts on sunblock. Doesn't protect against harmful rays."

"The human body is 80% water, so we are basically just cucumbers with anxiety."

"Day 1 of tea instead of coffee I was ready to kill myself, but now on the fourth day, I'm ready to kill others"

"I often find myself rewording a long tweet so many times that it completely loses the original subject. This one started off about a cat."

"There are lots of reasons to hate the Nazis. Mine? They didn't finish the job."

"Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer is my favorite song about how to incorrectly deal with the loss of a loved one during the holiday"

"How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day? When she can't find her pencil and there is a tampon behind her ear."