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Joke of the Day

"When I'm on my phone & I select, copy, but then I don't paste, I oddly gain a sensation that something then remains glued to my thumb."

"I was suddenly awoken with a blowjob this morning That's the last time I fall asleep with my mouth open on the train"

"Tape Recording for Beginners by Cass Ette"

"Whoever made the almond-milk carton the exact same shape as the chicken-broth carton should have to eat this cereal."

"When is a product with 70% less salt a bad thing? When you're buying salt."

"I don't know what to I can't see an end. I have no control and I don't think there's any escape I don't even have a home anymore. Definitely time for a new keyboard."

"A stranger called me the other day and told me to meet him at the cemetery at midnight. What a fucktard. He didn't even come."

"What did the egg say to the hot water? Give me a minute to get hard, i just got laid by some chick."

"My girlfriend was commenting on my big feet... I said, ""Well, you know what they say about guys with big feet..."" She replied, ""You're gonna be disappointed!"" [true story]"

"What's Forest Gump's password? 1forest1"