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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend was commenting on my big feet... I said, ""Well, you know what they say about guys with big feet..."" She replied, ""You're gonna be disappointed!"" [true story]"

"""Well, you should have been more specific before I painted all these veins."" - designer of the Wienermobile"

"Neil deGrasse Tyson will no longer be hosting NOVA. Looks like they had to cut deGrasse."

"I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD"

"Never date an intelligent, incredibly handsome, wealthy man. He's a violent psychopath that wants to kill you *things i learned from horrors"

"10 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed... ...One fell off and snapped his neck. Mama called the doctor and the doctor said: ""It's no use, this monkey is dead!"""

"hunter s. thompson was cool, but there were also tribes that were gatherer s. thompson"

"Thank goodness for loyalty program emails. I keep forgetting what brands I'm loyal to."

"yo mama is so fat she can sit on a t3 cable and make the internet traffic slow right down to 1 bit per day."

"What do you call a dog who likes a lot of bass in his music? A Sub-Woofer."