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Joke of the Day

"In Photoshop, is there any way to make it look like I'm not dead inside?"

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"What do you call a gay rubber band? An elasstickle"
"No one has 99 problems. That's so many problems."
"If we elect Donald Trump for president... There will be hell toupee"
"What was Jesus's favorite band? Nine Inch Nails."
"Astronomy Professor: What causes a half-moon? Student: When you can't get your jeans over your thighs."
"What do you call and autistic child caught in a house fire? A baked potato"
"My wife thinks I'm too drunk to take the goldfish for a walk, but I'll show her!"
"#MarriedPeopleIssues You hang up.. No, you hang up... You hang up.... Noooo, you hang up. They're your clothes. I'm not your maid."
"I wonder. Was the Terminator not always... arniemated?"