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Joke of the Day

"Astronomy Professor: What causes a half-moon? Student: When you can't get your jeans over your thighs."

"A robot walks into a bar; says he needs to loosen up. So the bartender serves him a screwdriver."

"Only one more sleep to go before I lose my job as a night security guard."

"Every time I see of a white person being killed by a wild animal in captivity, I think...Animal Cracker!"

"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair with a cell phone? Virgin Mobile."

"As a Harry Potter fan, I dream of going to Hogwarts. My friend is a Narnia fan, and he's always wanted to go to Narnia. My other friend is a Hunger Games fan, but he's good."

"Anybody know where I can get a Game of Thrones Valentine's day card? It's for my sister."

"What do you get when you drop a Piano on an army base? A flat major."

"""Beat me."" said the masochist. ""No."" said the sadist."

"Take that seed. Yes that one Burn it. Now crunch it up. More. Now pour this hot water on it. Let me drink that. It's good. Name it ""coffee"""