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Joke of the Day

"#MarriedPeopleIssues You hang up.. No, you hang up... You hang up.... Noooo, you hang up. They're your clothes. I'm not your maid."

"I'm not your GameBoy, quit pushing my buttons"

"*shitting pants, crying, missing my shoe* yoga instructor: you need to leave me: oh is this not child's pose?"

"A blonde joke"

"I can relate to people who say they need to rest so they can recover after a tough workout. I feel exactly the same after a heavy meal."

"What's the difference between the Holocaust and a goat? You can't milk a goat for over 50 years"

"How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it into a microwave until it's bill withers."

"I'm sad can u paypal me 50$ to spend on shoes"

"My neighbours love so much the music I listen to all day They even called the police to hear it, too...!!"

"I just brushed a whole tooth without looking at twitter"