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Joke of the Day

"Buy Domino's Fire everyone Hire dragons Fire roasted pizzas Delivery in six minutes or less IMAGINE DRAGONS"

"When I turn on the lights all of the dads scatter off of my deck, the fat dads can't get over the fence"

"""I saw mommy kissing santa claus"" has the same number of syllables as ""I saw someone die at Disney World."" Life's funny like that."

"What does the ""L"" stand for in Samuel L. Jackson? Motherfucking It stands for motherfucking"

"What is the biggest difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa stops at three Ho's"

"Why does Ganondorf hate the internet? There are too many links."

"I've limited my friends to 3 people that know how to split a dinner bill w/o causing a fiasco and life has been awesome since."

"I said I was a man with a plan. I said nothing about it being a good plan."

"DMX is in jail Because X didn't give it to them."

"The world would be a better place if everybody drank alcohol. It would get even better if some of them choked on it."