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Joke of the Day

"Why can't people with ocd go poop? Because they're anal retentive!"

"[quietly tries to open a can of beer] driving instructor: what was that"

"The Seahawks were going to go to Disney World... but they decided to pass."

"What do you get when you cross a Jamaican and a Scotsman Dreadlochs"

"Last night I dreamt I was a vacuum, it really sucked."

"Make sure to make eye contact with the hottest person in the room as you stuff a burrito into your mouth"

"Did you hear about the guy who pick pocketed a midget? How could he stoop so low?"

"Where do banana slaves go to work? Plantaintions."

"Reasons to date me: 1) 2) 3) please?"

"I just punched what I thought was a paparazzi with a long lens. It was an old man with a wheat bread sub. Sorry."