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Joke of the Day
"[quietly tries to open a can of beer] driving instructor: what was that"
Next Joke
"During a routine physical the Doctor said, ""You've got to stop masturbating."" ""Why?"" asked the patient. ""Because I'm trying to give you a physical!"""
"""every family has that one huge weirdo"" ""NOT MY FAMILY!"" I shout as I quickly exit the room, my six ducks on leashes in hot pursuit."
"For Sale Parachute: Only used once, never opened Small stain"
"The first rule of crossword club is (3,2,3,4,5,9,4)"
"How do you know if somebody is a vegan? Don't worry, they'll fucking tell you."
"I think my organ donor girlfriend wants to break up with me. She just doesn't have the guts to do it."
"Ever since I swallowed a watch I've been keeping myself busy taking laxitives, eating lots of fruit and drinking prune juice. Anything to pass the time."
"A man is buying an apple, a banana, and two eggs. The female cashier says: ""You must be single."" The man answers: ""Wow, how did you know?"" Cashier: ""Because you're ugly."""
"I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it's the scientists that aren't washing their hands?"