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Joke of the Day

"What did earth say to the other planets? Wow, you guys have no life."

"What do you call a cocktail of iced tea and skittles? A trayvon martini. Yeah I thought that joke might GARNER some negative attention. It was a 1/5 joke. 3/5 with RICE."

"An Atheist, a Vegan and a Crossfitter walk into a bar I only know that because they told everyone all about it within 2 minutes... and again..and again."

"How do we know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia? If it had been invented anywhere else it'd be called a teethbrush."

"I spent last night at the 'As Seen on TV' store. I wanted to party like it's $19.99."

"""Any two-watt bulbs?"" ""For what?"" ""That'll do. I'll take two."" ""Two what?"" ""I thought you didn't have any."" ""Any what?"" ""Yes, please."""

"A Priest, a Homosexual, and a Pedophile walk into a bar... And he orders a beer."

"Who called them ""priests"" instead of ""weapons of mass instruction""?"

"Shot pool with my 15yo son. Taught him a valuable lesson. You can restart a video game 1000 times. You can only lose your allowance once."

"What's a necrophilic pirate's favorite activity? Digging for booty."