155075

Joke of the Day

"What do you call a cocktail of iced tea and skittles? A trayvon martini. Yeah I thought that joke might GARNER some negative attention. It was a 1/5 joke. 3/5 with RICE."

"What do a pizza delivery driver and a gynecologist have in common? They both have to smell it, but neither of them can eat it"

"I ain't got much but I can keep dry. Which is more than moist people."

"Who called it a vasectomy and not a cull de sack?"

"Friend: What time is it? Me: (pulls out phone, checks Twitter and Facebook notifications, puts phone away) Friend: Well? Me: Well what?"

"Just moved out on my own and am doing really well... All my bills say im outstanding"

"my girlfriend must feel the same way about pizza as she feels about sex. if she has it one night, she won't want it again for a few weeks."

"Did you hear about that guy that broke his left arm and left leg? I heard he's all right now."

"What's yellow and lives off dead beetles? Yoko Ono."

"Girl I like keeps putting me in the ""dad zone"" Good thing this weekend is Father's Day."