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Joke of the Day

"I'm working on a script for a horror movie. It's called *my diary*"

"Nothing like an 8:00 meeting on a Monday morning to remind you that your best years are behind you."

"Pretty Punny! What did the cat stripper say when she found out she was being replaced by a younger pussy?????? You've gotta be Kitten me!"

"What was the bear protesting? his right to human arms"

"Sometimes I ask my husband to put away the clean dishes so I can play kitchen scavenger hunt next time I need something."

"CNN: The boy who cried Breaking News."

"She: I think our sex would be off the charts.. Me: You have sex charts?"

"The Wizard of Oz, synopsis. Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again."

"This guy at my work is giving his wife a gym membership for Christmas. His name was John."

"starting to realize that maybe the only reason i go to see movies in theaters is so i dont hav to face my reflection during dimly lit scenes"