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Joke of the Day

"The Wizard of Oz, synopsis. Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again."

"There's no sex like the we haven't had it for awhile' kind of sex."

"They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away Though if you don't go see your doctor regularly for checkups, you're bananas!"

"Lindsay Lohan says she can't walk down the street without men chasing her. They're drug dealers Lindsay pay your debts.."

"How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant? You strangle it until it turns blue, and then shoot it with the blue elephant gun."

"[after moving into a haunted house] *setting up potters wheel* OH NO WHO WILL HELP ME LEARN POTTERY *sitting in silence for 40mins*"

"My girlfriend started smoking... ...so I slowed down and applied lubricant."

"What do you call the security guards outside a Samsung factory? Guardians of the Galaxy"

"If I had a nickel for everytime I was asked for... ...Change, I still wouldn't give it to the homeless guy"

"What does the rude barista say to the customer in a coffee shop? I can't decide whether you are a fruitcake or a doughnut!"