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Joke of the Day

"A solipsist posts on a forum In his thread, he asks, ""Anyone else out there a solipsist?"" After a day of no replies He thinks to himself, ""I guess it's just me!"""

"What's the difference between a $200 vacuum and a $50 vacuum? I don't know, they both suck."

"A girl asked me for a dick pic. I told her sorry, my phone doesn't take panoramic pics."

"How do you make a tiramisu? With a thousand Gigamisous"

"Told a girl she's more attractive when she's not wearing glasses and she said I'm also more attractive when she's not wearing glasses."

"Cruz picked Fiorina as his running mate. She probably gives better head than Kasich."

"I went up to a sexy girl in a bar. I said, ""Would you like to come back to my place?"" ""I think you should ask my boyfriend first."" she smiled. I said, ""No thanks. I'm not gay."""

"Twas the night before Christmas, all through the house not a creature was stirring not even my vodka martini because it's shaken not stirred"

"[puts scarf on snowman] Girl: to keep u warm Snowman: I am made of snow. G: omg you're alive! S: ok but lets get past that. are you stupid"

"""Send me the link"" means ""do not ask me to sit here for 6 minutes and watch this shit now."""