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Joke of the Day

"I hate when I tell my girlfriend to call me when she's feeling sensible and then 2 years go by before I realize I'm probably single."

"Tilda Swinton is what happens when a lamp from IKEA becomes self aware."

"Why are most weather forecasters men? Because when they promise a foot, you know you're only getting three inches."

"What do me and my fridge have in common? Were both empty inside and weigh a tonne"

"What's the best lake to go motorboating? Lake Titicaca"

"My car broke down today. It confessed to a series of hit-and-run murders back in 2006."

"Jim Apple finds introducing himself very problematic when holidaying in France."

"My parents always said no drugs before marriage After that.... they just understood."

"Hey Verizon, here's an idea ~ $9.99 for unlimited calls, text, and data. But, $179.99 a minute to call ex-girlfriends."

"A grasshopper walks into a bar....... And the bar staff said to the grasshopper "" theres a drink named after you "" The Grasshopper replied "" theres a drink called bob?! """