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Joke of the Day

"Twitterzoned (by Kevin L. Schwartz) Is ""Twitterzoning"" a thing? ""You're okay as a Twitter friend, but let's not get all Facebook about this."" You've been Twitterzoned."

"If someone catches me staring I quickly look to my left & right so they think ""oh that girl's not looking at ME she's looking at EVERYTHING"""

"What did Jesus said when he resurrected ? Fucking lag, three days to respawn !"

"What do you call it when someone resuscitates a person who chokes on alcohol? La chaim-lich maneuver."

"What's the most privileged fish? A Great White shark."

"Want to hear a corny joke? Never mind I forgot the skewers."

"I was thrilled when this beautiful girl came up and asked me for a date. Then I realised it was just because I work at a dried fruit stand."

"Why did the rancher stop attending poker night with his marijuana smoking steers? The steaks were getting too damn high."

"Ever since childhood I've identified as a hippo. While other kids were playing, I savagely mauled villagers. #TransSpecies"

"Ever look in the fridge and be disappointed that all there is for supper is leftover pizza and beer? Yeah, me neither..."