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Joke of the Day

"Ever look in the fridge and be disappointed that all there is for supper is leftover pizza and beer? Yeah, me neither..."

"What did the Jewish pedophile say to the children? Want to buy a piece of candy."

"What did the man say to his penis when it offered him a fight? Come on then you *little squirt*!"

"People say the hardest part of the first date is the first kiss. No idea what they mean, the hardest part of my first date was getting her to take the sleeping pills."

"Chuck Norris' sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman."

"What's the difference between mass and weight? Mass is where Catholics go on Sunday, and weight is where sundaes go on Catholics. (From a poster on the ceiling in my dentists office)"

"I found a stray cat. I looked at its collar and saw a phone number. I thought, ""No wonder your family disowned you, you fucking slut."""

"What do you call a laptop that ejaculates metal? Computer"

"Management tip - only hire bald guys. They don't have anything going on besides work."

"So what do you say to an invisible man? Stand Clear."