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Joke of the Day

"This one has always tickled me! My father is the inventor of the rear view mirror. He means a great deal to me but looking back we're not as close as we seem!"

"My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt. So I fucked her 3 times and punched her in the face."

"Why Do Giraffes Have Such Long Necks? So they can reach their head!"

"How do ghosts navigate the ocean? They use boo-eys."

"Dad tells his son to vacuum *hears son lazily vacuuming * dad:do it properly, if I wanted to hear loud noises but nothing being done I'd go to a feminist rally"

"The opposite of a nightmare is a morningstallion."

"My young nephew said that people with glasses should only be able to marry other people with glasses. He's like a tiny Republican senator."

"My three year old son, Basil, says that since none of us invented language we should stop appropriating words."

"Hey babe , there is a party in my pants! And URINE.................Vited!"

"A Clinton presidency is like an iPhone 7. I really don't want an iPhone 7, but I'll probably end up with one anyway."